Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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