Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
