The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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