she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
