i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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