a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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