I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
