We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
