do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
