i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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