Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
