i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize