I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
