I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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