I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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