I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
