just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
