i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
