what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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