I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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