NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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