headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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