i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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