I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
