i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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