a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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