Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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