My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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