Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
