Swine flu. Run for my life!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
