she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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