White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
