I just threw up on my dentist
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
