I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
COCAINE IS GR8
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
