She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
