You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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