did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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