happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
