every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
