Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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