so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I fill condoms, not promises.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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