um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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