I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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