Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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