i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
