im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the day after is always just damage control
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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