the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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