I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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