About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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