i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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