I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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