He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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