There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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