those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
