"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
