so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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