dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
