I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
