My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
