There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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