I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
