Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
