Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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