I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
