Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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