Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize