Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize