I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
