After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize