Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
do herpes really smell.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
